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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Over Whelmed

Even though I have not posted, I have been following EVERYONE'S blogs!! I am feeling the excitements and the sorrows right along side you. As many of you all know we have just been a bunch of bench warmers after our 3 failed attempts. The 4th has been a discussion at our dinner table for a while and our hearts in our hands. When we first started this journey we saved up our pennies enough for 3 tries...moving into thoughts of the 4th we will borrow from the best people in the WORLD...our parents, hehe..NOW here comes the million dollar question given to me last night which ended in DRAMA. Hubby says "what if attempt #4 doesnt work, are you able to stop?" A bit angry i said "well we are not there yet" ..the jest of the conversation came down to numbers...if by our AWFUL luck in the world, attempt #4 doesnt work, we are broke, i mean not just "oh we have a low savings" NO i mean, zero dollars and no place to live...with everyone in the house jobless (ML and BL) except for hubby and myself (knock on wood, but they are talking about down sizing at my job too)...then we are screwed...there are no credit cards left to put this on...

So with that said, if attempt # 4 doesnt work i am sorry to say and have to admit this to myself,i know we will be happy as a family of 2, but i will not be able to accept that in my heart and will be in therapy for a while (not joking but its reality)...its one thing when you dont have the strength to try again but its a WHOLE other ball game when you can try again because you financially CAN'T...we have the will but not the way. This is why try #4 makes me cry each day and wonder is it gonna happen?? and if it doesn't i have to move on but my heart wont let me..



13 comments:

Tigerlilycat said...

Stack the odds in your favour Mandy - use an egg donor, do a fresh cycle, use multiple surrogates and use which ever clinic is getting the pregnancy results at the moment!!!!

And yes, you'll be happy as a family of two (as you already are), but do everything within your power to make this different. If it still doesn't succeed, at least you know you've given it everything you possibly could have.

Big hug.

Lisa

Edward said...

I wish for you only good things. Put your head up and find your family!!!

GeGe said...

Mandy girl, my heart is so heavy for you. I will continue to pray that the next attempt results in a baby.

Amber and Brian said...

Mandy, You have been everyone's cheerleader for sooo long. I can't even imagine how hard it has been for you. I think Lisa has some excellent advice!

Hugs and Love,
Amber

Doug and Bill said...

Oh gosh we feel your pain, Mandy. Personally, I never, ever thought it would take this long for us to get just to this point...and I'm not sure I would have stuck with it this long if someone told me it would...but maybe there's a lesson there -- sometimes looking too far ahead plays with your ability to make rational decisions. I know you have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst, but in the end, you'll kick yourself if you never tried. I took something I read on Johnny and Darren's blog
"From India With Love" to heart from the get-go. We were literally in the planning stage of going to India and their blog said "The only people who end up without a baby, are the people who give up...Here's to never giving up". This is not an inexpensive journey, though, so like Lisa said, give it your best shot. That way you won't regret it. GOOD LUCK and THANK YOU for all your wonderful cheerleading for all of us. Good thinks happen to good people, and you're one of them! HUGS, D

Doug and Bill said...

I meant "things" not "thinks"
:-)

~J~ said...

I wish you nothing but good thoughts, in which ever way you go. Have you thought about using a traditional surrogate instead?

Good luck!

CocoaMasala said...

You are in my prayers Mandy and Lisa gave some great heartfelt advice ;) Huge ((HUGS))

Jeff and Kevin said...

Big hugs Mandy.
K

Allie said...

Hang on, Mandy. You're tough, strong, and resourceful. When the timing is right, you'll make the best decision for you.

Kerry said...

Try not to think about the negetive but the positive. Try not to look too much to the future,one step at a time is the only way. Always know that you are doing the best you possibly can in a very difficult situation. We love you and are sending all our positve vibes your way.
Great advise from Lisa, odds are much more in your favour using a healthy fertile donor, fresh cycle, and two fertile surrogates are better than one......GO FOR IT!!!!!Give it your all, that's all you can do honey!! Do what is right for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

jojo said...

Yes, I back up Tigerlily's comment all the way: us an egg donor and two surrogates at the Best Clinic.

We were in your shoes, too. I know how it feels. But if you give yourself the best possible chance, I know you'll get a positive (maybe even two!).

Lots of love, darling girl. You are so brave and deserve this more than anyone I know.

x

Crystal said...

Mandy, everyone is pulling for you! We are all sending you good vibes.