Times are really getting close for lots of things these days. My frustrations are everywhere like WORK! Of course i dont get maternity leave because i am not in the Union and i am oh yeah not carrying my child. There are 2 people in my office that are pregnant (one being me and the other the actual pregnant one). Who gets all the attention? who got the balloon when she announced she was pregnant? who got a baby shower? well lets just say its wasnt the girl who's baby is in someone else in another country...i am FAR from jealous but this is what set me off:
Ms. Pregnant gets 16wks off of FMLA (time off) with vacation time added in...approved! Ms. Surrogacy Intended mother put in for 16wks as well and guess what- DENIED! WTF? i am eligible for FMLA too and why cant i take it? why cant i add my vacation days? Reason being i cant leave my job for THAT LONG because i have no coverage...i only have my intern covering for 10 wks and they cannot have me out for so long..
I was brought into the directors office and questions were coming at me like bullets- who is going to do the quarterly reports? who is going to teach all your classes? we cant afford to hire anyone on this grant...so i have to cut my stay at home short and go back straight to work...my supervisor even told me i should be researching child care, that hubby and i should divide and conquer with responsibilities because we havent done so yet. she even went as far as saying if i wasnt someone from my country to watch my child i should sponsor a relative...um last i checked i was born and raised in CT and my parents have not been to their country in um over 30 years (an occasional trip does not count). I feel like im choosing my job over my baby ....
PLUS- i watch 90210, yes i know its not the same as the old, boo hoo but i do, issues on the show tonight was having babies and Silver not going to be able to carry or have...REALLY welcome to my world, and she and everyone was so sad and cant move on and blah blah blah...so is my absent uterus a$$ not sad too? i wanted to tell my boss today um no i cannot come back early cause you dont wanna step in i already lost 9 months, so do u mind if i spend 3 months home to bond? oh you do? oh rats...what is a girl to do?? i cant win, at all.
Ms. Pregnant gets 16wks off of FMLA (time off) with vacation time added in...approved! Ms. Surrogacy Intended mother put in for 16wks as well and guess what- DENIED! WTF? i am eligible for FMLA too and why cant i take it? why cant i add my vacation days? Reason being i cant leave my job for THAT LONG because i have no coverage...i only have my intern covering for 10 wks and they cannot have me out for so long..
I was brought into the directors office and questions were coming at me like bullets- who is going to do the quarterly reports? who is going to teach all your classes? we cant afford to hire anyone on this grant...so i have to cut my stay at home short and go back straight to work...my supervisor even told me i should be researching child care, that hubby and i should divide and conquer with responsibilities because we havent done so yet. she even went as far as saying if i wasnt someone from my country to watch my child i should sponsor a relative...um last i checked i was born and raised in CT and my parents have not been to their country in um over 30 years (an occasional trip does not count). I feel like im choosing my job over my baby ....
PLUS- i watch 90210, yes i know its not the same as the old, boo hoo but i do, issues on the show tonight was having babies and Silver not going to be able to carry or have...REALLY welcome to my world, and she and everyone was so sad and cant move on and blah blah blah...so is my absent uterus a$$ not sad too? i wanted to tell my boss today um no i cannot come back early cause you dont wanna step in i already lost 9 months, so do u mind if i spend 3 months home to bond? oh you do? oh rats...what is a girl to do?? i cant win, at all.
15 comments:
Oh noooo. I am so sorry to hear this. As an under 50 employee firm, I am not entitled to any FMLA, which means Ill be returning to work shortly after I'm home-- despite having spent no time with Hayden. I have to be grateful that they are at least holding my job while I am here but it sucks so bad to be using my time without my kids in my arms:( It sucks to always be "settling" and making sacrifices when we've already made so many. Btw, I am SO sad about Silver. I totally watch it too (haha) but sadly, it doesn't run here over in India! Sending huge hugs!
Completely ridiculous that you don't qualify and that you are being pressured on top of it - ickity ick !!
Seriously my magic wand would be on overtime with the things it could be doing.....sigh....if it were real : 0
Wow, this really sucks. I feel ya.
After informing my company I would be going through IVF and possibly surrogacy, I was fired.
They were nice enough to keep me long enough to cover for the 2 guys that needed to be out for paternity leave when their wives had babies...
OMG - are they serious? Now I'm getting nervous ... I'll be dropping my bombshell on 'the boss' tomorrow morning and IN MY HEAD I've already lined up a LOAD of time off! Am hoping the Aussie rules aren't as Discriminatory ... stay tuned! xx
I'm speechless. Is this true?! How are kids supposed to bond with their parents in US? I feel SO-SO sorry for you. Covering your work shouldn't be your problem as you are going to be a new parent. It should be your bosses job and duty to allow you to be home with your baby.
In Sweden parents get a sum of 480 days (240 days/parent and 60 days are locked on each parent - the rest can be transfered however parents wish to split up their time at home). These days are valid until your child is 8 years old and the parental salary (that is paid out from the state) is 80% of your salary. The employer must, by law, allow you to be off work if you announce your leave 2 months in advance. Most parents stay at home until the child is 1-1,5 years. Ideally parents split their stay-at-home time.
Maybe you should move to Sweden?
Hugs of strength!
So sorry to read this, I thought it was just the uk that didn't cater for people on a surrogacy journey, it amazes me how people can think that anyone having baby does not need bonding time, that they won't feel all the highs an low of a pregnancy just because they are not carrying the baby themselves. I'm nowhere near that part of my journey, I'm only just starting out but when I checked my company policy you get 52weeks for pregnancy most of it paid leave (if I was carrying the baby) 39 weeks for adoption again some of it paid leave but no leave for surrogacy :( sorry I rant on but I deffo feel for you and the other mums and dads who don't get their baby time x
How bloody ridiculous!!!! So sorry you have to deal with all of this B.S!!
This is beyond frustrating!! I wish things were different for you!!
Ugh this is horrible! If you are eligible for fmla how can they say no? Your director sounds awful!! So sorry.
In Ireland a few women have been refused maternity leave of 24 wks too. Also will not let parents quify under adoption leave. I work Sunday's which are double time and instead of getting paid twelve hours am building it up so should hopefully build up around fifteen wks time off. That is just because myboss is wonderful notbecause the company has sanctioned it.Best wishes k
You may know much of this but just in case...
To qualify for FMLA, your employer must have 50 or more employees, you must have 1 year of service and at least 1,250 hours of work.
Assuming that is the case, you ABSOLUTELY would be qualified for unpaid FMLA leave - where your job is protected by LAW and your job (or an equivalent job) must be available at the end of 12 weeks. Caring for a new child, regardless of who carried the child, is a qualified event.
Don't let the BS of someone else's convenience influence what you need/want for YOUR family!!!
I hope they do the right thing...but make sure you know your rights just in case....
I was just getting ready to post exactly what Edward posted. This qualifies as a life event under the Act, and they can't by law deny you. APPEAL!!! Point out the inconsistency in their judgment vs. your entitled time - guaranteed by the federal government.
I agree with Edward and Allie. Praying things work out...
I'm so very sorry you have to go through this. It isn't fair! Definitely appeal and maybe even mention that you may be being discriminated against! In the U.S. we are given such a short time to begin with they have no right to try and guilt you into reducing your time with the baby you have fought and worked so hard for!
I know of several couples that have each taken paternal/maternal leave to extend the baby time. Does Rick's job allow him paternal leave?
Gosh, just catching up with all of this. It's insane!!! Glad some of our fellow blog buddies know the ins and outs so they've been able to point you in the right direction - so get ready to fight the fight.
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