Thank you for all your feed back and it has helped SO MUCH...we talked and talked and talked about it some more, and then we turned to the docs....lol. They picked a surrogate for us IF we chose to go that route (again no pressure). So we looked at her profile and said, hey why not, lets go with a NEW surrogate.
So we chose her and wanna keep her until we're ready, we're thinking sometime in the next 6-8 months (maybe sooner) to pay fees and sign contracts and transfer again. We wanna keep you guys guessing when we're going to go for round 3. lol. i am just preparing myself that IF it doesnt work we have to really call it quits for a while (we really dont have $$ left to try thats why, we cant deplete the bank account, gotta prepare for those rainy days).
I am thinking about ED, but who's name is on the birth cirtificate?? do i have to adopt the baby or something? more questions i guess for u guys, enjoy.
Even though this is a personal question I need input...surrogacy in general is such a personal choice, dont we all agree...lol. I know ED is really just an option and thanks Mr. Hawii for reminding us we have options (sometime it feels we only have now or never..hehe). As my husband says all the time, EVERYONE ALWAYS WANTS INSTANT GRATIFICATION....it will happen, its just taking a bit longer. He's so smart (and cute, hehe). I want to know all my options and what they entale so i can rule out each one if it doesnt fit us (adoption is out, fostering is out, ect.) so i really LOVE reading all my options and need all my surro buddies opinions.
At this point, with SI, I'm taking it one cycle at a time....let see AND PRAY HARD AS HELL...this one works with the frozen embies and then we can move on from there. I laso want to leave my email so others can contact me for anything, (amanda_s_persaud@yahoo.com).
From Australia Our IVF Babies
1 year ago
12 comments:
We're using an ED and going through Planet Hospital. When we asked our case mgr this same question, she told us that Tyler's name would be added to the birth cert first, and then my name would be added before even leaving India. So no adoption needed. We are not yet pregnant, so we haven't experienced it first hand, but that's what we've been told. I'm not sure if this varies depending on where in India your surrogacy is (I can't imagine it would matter, but..) We're doing ours in Hyderabad.
Your name will be on the birth certificate as the mother, darling girl.
i pray your 3rd time is the charm and you don't have to worry about this option. But please know I'm here to asnswer any questions you have should you need me.
Lots of love and strength to you!
xxx
Thanks guys! But when you have to pick an ED, do they have pics too with th eprofile? Is there a lot to choose from??
Mandy, I understand that the decision whether or not to use an ED is very personal, and I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to tell you what to do.
If what you want deep down is a baby, and you don't care whether he/she is related to you and you feel like using an ED would put your mind at ease, by all means do so.
If you have reservations about whether you want to use an ED, I'd really think about trying again. Since we have the same fertility condition and you're young, I'd keep trying if there's no other medical indication why this hasn't worked so far. Surrogacy is a gamble whether you use an ED or not (and I know it's easy for me to say as we hit the jackpot so quickly).
I know I'm interfering, and maybe I should keep my mouth shut. I just figured that most everyone else will be encouraging you the other way...and since it's a decision that affects your life, your child's, and your family's, it's a big one to make without support on both sides of the argument :).
Whatever you and Rick decide, I obviously pray that you have success and know you've made a decision you're at peace with.
It's a tough decision whether to use an ED or not, one that took us three years of trying, and a lot of negatives and PGD testing to make us finally realise the eggs were the problem. But I am older and have had more failures.
Take time and really consider your options. This is a decision with lifelong consequences. Sure, you may have better success rates with an ED, but you could also get a negative. The benefits are that you wouldn't have to fly back to India if R has sperm samples there.
Do take time to consider your options, both medically and emotionally.
Hey there, I just thought I would weigh in here. Even with being a gay couple and not having the option of being an egg donor, there are still a TON of options. Trust your gut and know that whatever you decide, that your decision is right for you. And yes, you may have more negatives, even with an experienced ED (if you choose to go that way), but I have to say that our comfort lies in knowing we have options. What happens next will lead you to the next decision. It's hard to see the forest through the woods, but keep the faith. Your baby is out there, whichever way you choose to get to him or her. Good luck.
Hey Mandy
Yes, you get profiles of EDS. There is some information, but not as much as any of us would like.
CJ's right - if there's a chance it could work with your own eggs, you should think seriously about pursuing that path. But I also know that if it's too expensive for u to continue with your own eggs, you should consider ED.
As Am said, you won't have to fly to India and you may also have a lot more to freeze for multiple attempts. Plus you could choose a proven ED.
I just don't want to see you have to give up, cause I think you're gonna be the best mum ever. And if it makse u feel any better, I'm just as excited about my 'ED' baby as I would be if it was biologically mine.
xxx
We had two EDs. The first was through an egg donor agency that works with Phoenix. We had good number of eggs and embryos but none took (with the first two surrogates). We then decided to go with an Indian ED, mainly because of cost considerations. We left samples behind just in case the first attempt didn't take. To fly another caucasion ED would be 12x the price of an Indian ED. We used one same surrogate and a new surrogate and both are now pregnant. In both cases we had pictures of EDs to choose from. The biggest difference is with the caucasian ED we had a lot more information including medical background, family history, etc. Plus the original ED was open to being contacted in the future, just in case. But, as a friend mentioned to us recently, she didn't have her husband's medical history before they got married and had kids. The ED, just like surrogate, will not appear on the birth certificate. Have you considered doing the IVF in the US and shipping to India that way you'll save on flight costs, hotels, etc?
Thanks Paul, we have thought of doing a cycle here and shipping it, i just needed to find out how its done.
Hi Mandy,
Just to add to everyone's good comments and thoughts, I felt like using an Indian ED took some of the roller-coaster of emotion out of the planning for me(though I didn't really have any choice; my eggs are too old.) If you use an ED, your name would be on the Indian birth certificate, but on the American birth certificate, only your husband's name appears. You then have to do what's called a second parent adoption in the US. I haven't done it yet, but I don't think it is nearly as hard or expensive as an ordinary adoption, and no one yet -- from day care, to doctors -- has questioned my status as mother.
Mandy,
As you are well aware, I too had the same dilemma in choosing.
Ultimately Gerry said the right thing...'do you want YOUR child or do you want a family?' The answer for me was easy. It is a very personal choice and one that does take time to decide. Blaze is my son through and through and there is NOTHING that could change the immense love I have for him. I have NO regrets in my decision and NO one or nothing could ever make me feel like less of a mother to him now or ever(genetics or not)!
Financially we needed to decide how many times we could really keep trying with my eggs and they produced great embryo's.
I still think it is all luck of the draw, with ED or your own eggs.
I truly wish you all the luck in the world in your decision. Whatever it may be it WILL be the right one for you.
Hugs,
Excellent points in all of the previous comments.
Stephanie's comments on the birth certificates are the way things are supposed to happen with an ED... the U.S. Foreign Affairs Manual the the Consulate follows is clear on this point. I know this is an agonizing matter for some, and while I personally would never take a risk to put my child's birth registration in jeopardy, I can understand why others take that chance. I wish the U.S. allowed a second parent designation for EVERYONE from the outset.
I can add more on the second parent adoption process. I know things will differ somewhat from state-to-state in the U.S., but we just completed this in Texas. It cost us about $3,500-4,000 for my partner to adopt our twins, and took about 6 weeks from start to finish (including the background checks and home study). My employer offers a benefit to reimburse adoption expenses (including gay couples), so we expect to pay nothing in the end. There are tax benefits too, so we actually may come out very favorable on this (for a change!!!)
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