Well i tried to keep it a secret so when our 2ww was over i had POSITIVE news to share however it didnt go according to plan...This is what went down...We were planning to transfer in August (ending of the summer) but the docs at SI said we need to try sooner before we loose our surrogate (who wanted to go to another clinic), so we gave them the green light to transfer May 26th (we didnt tell anyone because we dont wanna get everyones hopes up again)...we were doing it so early and we were just so nervous and excited, but we knew this was IT! well 2 weeks later here i am, i just got off the phone with Dr. Sudhir (litterally like 10 minutes ago) with sad news saying our beta was 11 then it dropped to 2...I guess our 3rd time was NOT a charm...luckily hubby came home on his break because we have the installers here and he needed to clarify things with them....and the phone rang...thank GOD he was home with me at the same time this went down...i cried (he tried not to but i saw a tear) as he hugged me and didnt let go....
i kept saying what am i doing wrong?? is it my eggs?? we have been through this 3 times with everyone telling us SORRY....i want the phone call where there is no sorry but we'll see u in 9 months...and hubby kept asking all week did they call, are they gonna call today, is it today...he was so happy when they rang the phone and then he saw my face ..i saw his little heart break in pieces...i dont wanna see that look on his face anymore...i'm just thankful i'm home today (because of the kitchen/installers) but cant seem to figure out what our next steps are....sorry to my surro buddies, i tried to keep it a secret and share GOOD news, but it back fired....its just not my turn...2 years, 3 tries and 0 results, i feel lost...awful, alone (not really i got hubby, but its female feeling) and tired/drained. Yep that pretty much sums it up.
13 comments:
Oh Mandy, I'm so very very sorry. You guys have really been through the ringer. My heart breaks just thinking about what you must be going through right now...
It sucks and it isn't fair and it isn't the result you guys deserve. Please don't give up if you really want a baby but take time to grieve if that will help.
I wish I could give you a hug.
Amber
Ah darling. I know the feeling. It just sucks!!! Some of us take longer then others and unfortunately it doesn't seem to get any easier. Sending love your way. You will find the strength to keeping pushing forward...you always do!
Huge, HUGE hug Mandy. We so wanted this to be your time too - but don't give up, you will still achieve this!! Take as much time as you need to build up your strength and then work on Plan ZDC5Y. You WILL have a family. Never loose sight of that.
Oh Mandy I am so sorry to hear this. I have been lurking quietly following you guys, hoping, hoping for good news. We too have been, and are sadly still where you guys are. 5 transfers and nothing. It seems that most other couples have eventually gotten positives but not all of us. We have left this journey behind us and are looking at other options at home in Oz and as I type this I am sitting in a waiting room with yet another specialist awaiting our 10th IVF transfer!! If this doesn't work we will be working with a surrogate here, now that it has become legal in our home state. However after 8 years on this crap road we are not convinced of anything. Sometimes it just seems as if some of us can't catch a break. God I hope and pray you guys get lucky like all the others. Hugs Trea
I'm so, so sorry Mandy. I wish I was with you, so I could give you a hug and the female support you need.
I totally understand where you're coming from. The world falls from under you. There's nothing like it.
But please know, you will get there. If you ever need to chat, just let me know and I'll be there.
You will get there, darling.
xxx
I can hear the sound of hundreds of hearts breaking around the world, mine included. I am so sorry. I don't understand why this has to be so difficult for you. It is not fair, it is horrible, it is cruel. Just know you have so many friends you have never met, who care very much about you and if we could, we would all be in your home hugging you and feeding you red wine and chocolate biscuits. Please, never give up.xxx
:(
Not fair...at all. My heart is breaking for you. I hope you can find some comfort in your hubby's arms. I'm sending love to you both.
XX
I'm so sorry, Mandy. I wish there was something more to say.
I too am borken hearted for you, and know there is nothing I can do to help right now. I urge you to find someone you can share with, a female counselor or a friend you can trust. When CJ was diagnosed I went to counselling. Just being able to say the same thing over and over again was helpful. I send hugs across the miles.
Mandy, I am so sorry. It is heartbreaking to hear such news from one of our surro family. Many of us have gone through it or going through it right now including myself, so you have people that understand what your feeling and give you the great support you need. We will have your time, so please don't lose hope. A Big Hug to you.
Gemma
Honey I am so, so sorry to hear this. It really SUCKS!!!!
But you are both strong....time is a gentle healer, and in time
you will follow your dreams of having a family. This path is so long and so hard, we are all here for you.
Mandy, hang in there girl! I wish nothing more for you than a positive. I will believe it will happen for you even when you are down. :(
Sending you lots of comfort right now. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.
Post a Comment