As the seasons are changing and the colds and coughs fly around (we Lysol everything..lol)..it reminds me the holidays are FAST approaching and another year we tried and failed. I have my IVF NJ appt. on Wednesday and I look forward to our consultation. Its going back to square one, i feel, but closer to our goal.
I wanted to test my AMH (which i will) to determine my fate. But i have had all the combinations you can think of...2 clinics, 3 surrogates, 2 fresh cycles and 1 FET....so if fresh and frozen aint working with my own eggs...next is donor eggs. Even though I am still un-easy, I KNOW 100% its the right move to make because it will bring our baby in our arms sooner than later.
The only reason i am uneasy (not that it is not bio-logically mine, because hell no, that baby is MINE!! to love and to hold forever and ever, move over hubby, lol) i'm worried he/she wont love me as much and will want to seek their biological mother---CALL ME CRAZY, i think i watch too many Life Time movies. Slap me out of it so we can move on people. LOL. We will hopefully have enough $$ to have enough for our attempt next year. (Saving all our money not buying anything, cutting back and minimizing the Christmas lists for family and friends, and HOPING the rates for surrogacy dont change by then :) )
Wish us luck from now til next year guys, everyday is one day closer to our goal.
From Australia Our IVF Babies
1 year ago
10 comments:
Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, I'm gonna send Snooki to your hood to set you straight girl! 8-)
There is no such thing as a common model for "family" anymore. Not in century 21 U S of A. STudies have shown that that about 50% of all children born today are born into the traditional 2-parent, married heterosexual biological format. That means FIFTY PERCENT of ALL OTHER BIRTHS fall into other categories: adoption, same-gender, non-biological, single-parent, relatives raising the kids, 2nd/3rd/4th marriages (enough already!), foster kids, etc. etc etc. The idea of what constitutes a family nowadays is radically shifting. Family is no longer about genes, it both a BELIEF and a PRACTICE. That is the new thinking. Spread the word sister and don't be too hard on yourself as you explore your options. Your baby will love you as unconditionally as you will love it if it is not biologically yours. The current generation of kids growing up will have a different concept of what a parent is compared to what we are accustomed to.
Hugs
Hi Mandy,
I can't agree with Jon more.
I stand behind everything he wrote.
Plus - Yes, I think one day kids may want to meet or learn more about their "parents" but there will be no love involved. The love to the people we know, we grew up with and who ARE part of our life is way stronger they any genetic link. I don't know if my kids will love me. I hope they will, I will raise them no differently that I would if they were "mine" but I think that love has no connection to gens. I think that people don't love their parents just because they are related to them, do they?
I hope you get what you want really, really soon. I wish you this from the bottom of my heart.
Ula
Mandy,
I completely agree with Jon and Ula, I also completely understand your fears because I have the same ones. I think it is natural. I know you have both been through so much and I pray with all my heart that you will have your baby soon. From everything you’ve written and experienced, I know you are going to be excellent parents when your time comes and your child is going to love you unconditionally!
For what it is worth (and this is only my opinion) I would like to offer the following advice: 1) Take the AMH test before deciding on using your own eggs or donor eggs. Many people using donor eggs do not get pregnant with two fresh and 1 frozen attempt so you may not have an egg problem at all. 2) If you get a good result with the AMH and FSH test and want to use your own eggs I would recommend doing a fresh cycle in India and transferring to two surrogates at the same time. The surrogate prep cost is nowhere near the IVF cost and fresh transfers have a much better success rate than frozen transfers. I know money is an issue and I think you will have a much better chance of success because you don’t seem to produce a huge amount of eggs via IVF and in the end it comes down to a numbers game. 3) If you do decide to go with donor eggs, try to find out if you can do the paperwork in the US and not have to spend the money to fly to India again. Some clinics allow this. If Rick has frozen sperm you can use in India, that would be perfect. Otherwise, I recently learned of a company that will ship sperm to India for about $1300 total.
One of the reasons Brian and I switched to donor eggs is because we could no longer afford the cost of me self cycling. I was on the highest medication and the medication alone was thousands of dollars. I also wanted a child more than anything and I plan to let our child know this every single day. If they have questions about their egg donor, I’ll do my best to be open and honest with them and maybe someday when they are much older take them to India so that they can explore that side of their heritage.
Hugs,
Amber
I'm so sorry about the multiple comments!
Mandy, I totally understand your concerns and worried about this a little, but now that I have my baby home I don't see it as an issue. Yes, our children will rightly be curious about their genetics (as you will be!), but they will be bonded to you because you're going to be the one holding them, rocking them to sleep, and kissing their boo-boos. One of the benefits of egg donation is that there isn't another "mommy" out there for your child to go find, since the ED is mostly anonymous. There are times when I'm jealous of my husband's ability to look at our son and say "he gets that from me," but I also think that I have a unique, "clean slate" opportunity to relate to my son by NOT having that connection. Regardless of how your child joins the family, you're going to build connections with them over time that will be beautiful, strong, and long-lasting.
Laughing at Stephanie's comment - I'd never thought of that 'clean slate' aspect of using an ED. That could be very appealing for some!!! I too believe that genetics has zip to do with love and attachment, and that gets given to whoever it is that does all the hard work - and that will be you Mandy. Will be interesting to see what your IVF doctor suggests you do next.
ps - and remember to get Rick tested too. There are two of you doing this, so share the fun as much as you can!
Your baby will adore you. I worried about the same thing - incessantly. I also worried I would not love my baby as much as I would if I had been able to use my eggs. I can 1000% guarantee you all the fears are just that. Fear. Toby is as obsessed with me as I am with him. The egg donor issue just flies out the window never to be thought of again once you have your precious little one. Actually sooner, around 10 weeks when Toby was baby-shaped on the scan, he was mine mine mine, all mine! (oh, and Bob's too) But do investigate all your options before making such an important decision. You're doing just fine girl! We're all so proud of you.
Well said Jon :) I also agree with Amber's advice regarding using your own eggs that you should self cycle in India as opposed to doing IVF in NJ as it would be more cost effective; unless you have insurance :) Whatever you decide I am praying for you as you continue on this Magical Journey...
For what it's worth, Mandy, I thought Amber's advice was the best advice I've read out there.
Whatever you and Rick decide, we're all pulling for you!
Post a Comment