Bipolar...or what?

I have been in tears, of joy and sadness, for many of my surro buddies and myself. I have been doing alot of self reflection these past few days and see how far i have come, which is not far at all. I feel i should be the one to go pick up or have a positive because i started with so many of these girls too. What was wrong with me?? my eggs?? my clinic? i have no clue. I am just back and forth with how to make better/more eggs. I am reading "Boost Your Fertility" recommened by a fellow surro buddy on the forum.

Nutrition, diet, stress---plus so much more things i am working on for round 2. I find myself happy than sad then curious, back to nervous to scared and when i am positive i think thats where i started and i was disappointed. I was so excited and sure it was gonna work and kept being positive but after our negative, i didnt know what to do or where to turn, but my surro buddies helped along the way.

I feel as though i am at square one and no light in sight. No use to be positive anymore because i was soooo positive i think i jinxed myself.